9 days and counting…. My next blog will be brought to you from El Progreso, Guatemala…. Unreal!!!   Preparing for Guatemala has been draining…. It has taken every fibre of our strength to get through these past few months.  Guatemala has seemed more far away than ever during this time.  Buried under our lives here and the mountains of paperwork and things that go into big time fundraising.  I guess I was not prepared… I kind of went into this blind.  Some of the time we have felt very alone in all of this and that is hard to take.

When you believe in something so strongly, its mentally draining to work so hard to try and make people understand…. but one simply must accept that not everyone see’s things the way you do.  I have seen… and it has changed my life… Some people who haven’t seen simply don’t understand.  I guess I see the world through different eyes because of my experiences over the past years.   Once you figure that out you can relax and not let disappointments rule you.   You learn to celebrate the triumphs and let the failures roll off your back in a sense.

Through all of this I have felt very overwhelmed… especially by the life change I am about to endure.  I am no saint… I am a normal person…. a woman with feelings, wants and desires like everyone else.  There are times I simply don’t want this life.  I see people with nice homes and cars and I almost mourn the loss of that stuff….  I’ve been struggling at times lately.  I find myself more ‘weepy’ than normal… a bit more on edge.  I was terrified.  To be honest more often than not I found myself thinking.. “how the heck did I get here?  Stop the ride, I wanna get off.”

Through all of this… I have talked with people… Friends both old and new….  Through these conversations I have been re-inspired.  While I’m not in Guatemala just yet, and they seem very far away…. I have experienced community like never before.  I have come to the realization that this is such a gift to us.  As strange as this sounds, its not just about Guatemala… It is about people.  People there AND people here.  I have learned so much through all of this.   We have a ministry… and so many people have thrown themselves into this beside us…. the people we serve in Guatemala will be well cared for…. But I have learned that WE will be cared for as well!!!  Its no longer us having a ministry… but being a part of a ministry and that includes us being ministered to.   It’s so hard to explain….

This past week we had both a fundraising dinner and a concert by NEWWORLDSON.  Planning the dinner was insane.  Details, paperwork, phone calls… epic amounts of planning.  Our friend Dave Tebbutt put the entire concert together so that was something thanks to him, we could just pretty much relax and attend.  One puts so much emphasis on the raising of money you become fixated on numbers.  Its a tough thing because Guatemala cannot happen without money.  But we have learned these past weeks that its NOT about the money.   It NEVER was about the money.  It’s about people.  Here and there!!!

There are people… key people… and you know who you are, and if you do not then I have failed at telling you how important you are to me and I am sorry…. but key people who have taught me over the past weeks and months how much I am loved and that is incredibly priceless… for that I will be forever grateful.  I love you… every one of you… and I have learned so much from you about what it means to be RADICAL in my faith and standing up for what I believe in even when it gets hard and overwhelming. I am not missing out on ‘stuff’… I am the lucky one… I have people who love me!

The minister of Calvary Church prayed over our family last night after the concert.  Something that was fairly new to us… complete with laying on of hands etc.  I cannot explain what an incredible moment that was for our entire family.  It was a pure gift from God and one of the most powerful moments in my life.  God was there in that room last night… and He, through everyone there last night renewed my strength at a time I needed it most.  I can go now… because it is what is right.  I have finally surrendered…. and there is a peace in that beyond measure.

Looking out over a crowd of people at the concert last night was an amazing experience for me and my entire family.   Looking into the faces of everyday people… some family… some friends… some strangers was so surreal.   The gentle smiles we saw spoke volumes to us.  These people, especially the ones we know were there because of love.  Love for us… love for what we stand for… love for each other and love for strangers thousands of miles away that need them.   Recently, it made me think of a quote I had put as my facebook status just a few days ago… “Stand up for what you believe in, even if you are standing alone.”….  The most beautiful privilege I get to have during this adventure is that I now know and understand that I never have to stand alone again… and that is worth more than anything.