Extra ordinarily weird….
Whew… I am actually making time to write… that’s different… Lately I’ve been going crazy trying to get ready to depart for Guatemala on what I believe will be the adventure of a lifetime…. 6 weeks and counting. So much to wrap up in such a short time!! Its not easy and there are so many details that I honestly can say I’ve never felt this out of control of my life, in my life. I’ve been pretty stressed, not going to lie. Im exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed and feeling stretched quite frankly to my breaking point. But despite all that, deep down I am still more joyful that I can describe. I can honestly say I have a peace deep within myself about all of this. Even the parts I am fearful of have made me peaceful. I know Geoff feels the same way. The prospect of transferring ownership of our business hit him hard this past week. As much as we know its the right decision for us, its still closing a chapter of our lives, especially his. But yet there is even a peace about that, despite the uncertainty it brings. So much in our future is uncertain now and I cannot begin to describe how scary and yet peaceful that is.
I have met with some resistance from family and friends lately. Some are just plain annoyed about our fundraising… Some are supportive but treat me differently…. like someone who just bumped their head… they look at me like I’m weird… Some just don’t ‘get it’. They have no real understanding of why on earth we would walk away from so much in order to walk into a life of service. Guess its hard for me to explain… At times I don’t ‘get it’…. so how can I ask others to understand. All I know is going to Guatemala is something we have to do…. so we are going to do it….
We aren’t special, we are ordinary… as a matter of fact sometimes I feel we are boring… extra ordinary actually…. And then it hit me… ordinary people can be extra ordinary and still, with help, do extraordinary things!!! And yet I have fear… fear of inadequacy… fear of being extra ordinary…. fear that people won’t get it and we won’t raise money and it will all fail…. But I know that things will be as they should be and how God wants them because we are taking the leap of faith. Fear and peace and joy can live hand in hand in the greatest of oxymorons…. It all just feels weird at times and I guess that explains why people look at me like I’m weird… because I am!
Speaking of weird, I read a book recently…. “Weird” by Craig Groeschel. This book spoke to me in ways that not many books have recently. It defined in black and white so much of what I’ve been feeling lately, plus taught me so much. Thanks Mr. Groeschel for writing this book! I honestly recommend it to people… buy it, read it… It’s such a refreshing take on things! One chapter leapt out at me in particular… talking about money and being rich. Do you perceive yourself as rich? I know I don’t see myself as such. Regularly I find myself complaining about money and lack thereof. I have debt, I have a mortgage, I don’t live in a mansion, far from it actually… It never seems like I have enough money. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. But as Mr. Groeschel points out, “If we’re honest, most of us are doing okay. We complain about money and what we can’t afford even as we are watching cable tv on our hi def tv’s, eating hot delivered pizza that we ordered on our iPhone.” Think about it, how rich are we? Especially when we compare ourselves to the more than 1/2 of the world that lives on less in one year than we spend on that cable tv?? Puts things in a perspective I myself had never thought of …. Mr. Groeschel asks us to imagine what someone from a developing country like Guatemala, living in the mountains with 12 people, in a one room adobe house with a dirt floor might say:
“There are some people who are so rich, they own a car! It’s not a lot of people, of course. I read it’s only 3 to 5 percent of people in the world who own a car. But some people in the world are so rich, they have TWO cars! Some of these people even have a house for their cars! It’s called a garage, and it’s like a little house to protect their cars from the elements! You know what else they do? These rich people, they get in their cars, and they drive past twenty or more food places – they call them restaurants – and they’re so rich that they pay other people to make their food and serve it to them! That’s how rich they are.
“Some of these rich people eat so much food in so many restaurants that they get fat but keep eating more and more. Then they have to go to these places called gyms, and they pay people to help them exercise! That’s how rich they are.
“Some of these rich people have special rooms at home called closets. This little room inside their house is just for their clothes! Nobody sleeps in there – only clothes on hangers and shelves like in a store. Some people are so rich, they even have one big clothes room for the man and one for the woman. So many clothes, some for cold, some for hot, some for work, and some for church. It’s crazy! That’s how rich people live.”
After reading this I realized that I am rich. Its me that Jesus is talking about when he talks about it being easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter Heaven. It’s not some obscure billionaire sitting in his mansion counting his money…. Its ME! I have been born into a rich society… and it is my duty to share my riches with those that have nothing. Its MY responsibility…. its what I believe to the core of my being…. its what makes me weird…. its what motivates me to raise awareness… to fundraise… to encourage people to come to Guatemala… I won’t apologize for that. I guess I have accepted that I am a weird extra ordinary rich person who prays can be used to do extraordinary things…. How weird is that?