Life is full of lessons… even for us “old dogs”, God can teach us many new tricks.  We have been here in Guatemala for only 5 days…. feels like 5 weeks.  So much has happened and we have learned so much already.  There is a certain arrogance that surrounds our culture.  We think we are going to come into a country as missionaries and teach them better ways.  Funny thing happens instead… they teach us VERY quickly what is wrong with our ‘better’ ways.  Pretty much just about everything.  We come in with plans… Our plans suck, for lack of a better word.  Us arrogant Canadiense’s are brought to our knees within moments of being here.  We truly don’t mean to be arrogant… we come here with the best of intentions…. but we get knocked down instantly, to their level… which quite frankly is above ours in so many ways.

If Guatemala had a better system of equality and Government they would be coming to Canada as missionaries to help us.  Of that I have no doubt.  They would teach us patience… they would teach us to trust in God and not in ourselves… They would teach us lessons that our brains need to learn.  It has taken less than 5 days for us to be humbled beyond measure.   God wanted to make sure we were in complete surrender before He made things the way He wanted them to be and not the way we had envisioned.

All the struggles of the past few days, of which I won’t go into detail but trust me they were bad… were necessary.  Necessary to teach us a lesson that we honestly could not have learned any other way.  We had that Canadian arrogance knocked right out of us and now we are truly ready to do what we came here to do… God’s way, not ours.   We are so rushed in our lives.  And I admit I am one of the most chaotic people around.  Here, there is no such thing… everything moves at a relaxed, snails pace…. it’s so tough to get used to… especially when you are in need of something… like a place to live.  We expect everything to be done NOW…. Not going to happen… no sense getting your blood pressure up.   I swear people here don’t die much of stress induced illness… simply doesn’t exist.  They don’t get stressed.  Even the ones dying of malnutrition simply wait patiently for God to help them… Sure they do everything in their power to make things happen and at the same time they joyfully trust…. completely.  They totally understand that they need Him… and His will be done.

We have a home that will be ready for us to move in on Tuesday.  The location couldn’t be more perfect… less than a 1 minute walk to the hospital.  More than we could have ever hoped for.  We have some furnishings already… We have the basic necessities of life now… and we have each other.  That is all we need.  I will be learning to cook with wood, the Guatemalan way.. I will be learning to do laundry by hand, the Guatemalan way… I will be learning to shower with cold water, the Guatemalan way…  And I will be teaching them some of our ways.   Fernando’s family has given me the honour of preparing Christmas dinner… they want a traditional Canadian turkey dinner cooked in an oven that they have no idea how to use.  They want to learn our way…. and in return they will teach me their way.  What a wonderful exchange of lives taking place.

We have already experienced so much of the culture here… Beginning with the day we got here.  Dec 7th… El Dia del Diablo.  The day of the Devil.  Its El diablo’s birthday and at 6:00 pm fires are lit everywhere to burn pinata images of the bad guy.  They roast him and celebrate a new beginning to life in the ashes… they burn the bad guy and all he brings… he has no power here…. They won’t let him have any power over them.  Out of such simple lives come such wisdom!  What a beautiful symbolic ritual that has been carried on for centuries.

And so we carry on… with lessons learned… valuable ones that we will take home and carry with us the rest of our lives.  Only 5 days in and already we are changed people.  Makes me wonder in awe of what the next 5 months will bring….

Today is a new day… it’s amazing what a good night of rest can do for the spirit.  Everyone in the family woke up this morning feeling much more able to handle things.  My blog of yesterday was negative.  It was also short.  Basically if I had written about everything that had gone wrong in the past 48 hours it would have been 12 pages long…. it was about much more than just hot water.   Its amazing how one can just get hit over the head multiple times with bad things and still go on, but we are human and we can get pretty down just like everyone else when things become too much.  Yesterday we felt weary and worn down though.  It really took a lot out of us.  Basically it was a disastrous beginning.

Today, I am saying was the official beginning!  And what a beginning it was.  Early this morning we were off to the Hospital Infantil Padre Pedro for a Christmas party.  It was a ‘family reunion’ with all the children that had previously been rehabilitated at the hospital invited.  We were shocked by the sheer number of people in attendance.  Tears rose to my eyes as I saw Hermana Mercedes for the first time in almost a year.  She was surrounded by the happy faces of the little children that are now alive because she took it upon herself to follow the will of God and serve here.  Her and I shared a hug that had so much meaning behind it even though our spanish/english communication is still in its infancy.  There are some moments that are just beyond words…..

Heading into the nursery for the first time in almost a year was unreal.  Seeing all the children in their beds trying so desperately to get healthy breaks your heart.  Around the corner in his special room was Marquito…. That boy is so incredibly special…. Rachel has worked so hard for this boy and on December 15th he will have the first surgery to reconstruct his face.  It hit me as I held him and then again as Geoff was holding him and Marquito was laughing that without people like Rachel that precious boy would most likely have died.   God put him on her heart and she did everything in her power to help him… and help him she did.  I saw the proof with my own eyes… and heard his laughter with my own ears…. Amazing! After visiting the children, we shared lunch with the Monsignor of Guatemala, some other guests and Hermana Mercedes… The sisters prepared a very special lunch for their guests.  They treat us like royalty here and we do not like it.  We are here to serve them and yet they serve us so completely.  It is so humbling…. It truly is about relationships here… and we have a family here, more so than we had ever realized before.  That is a gift straight from God.

No matter what life throws at us here… we are ready for it.  This is why we are here… and nothing, not even no water (today we not only have no hot water but no water at all) will ever get in the way of what God has us here to do!   And on behalf of our family, we would like to thank everyone who is helping us financially… personally… prayerfully… etc.  Without you beside us, none of this would be happening.  We promise to stick it out and make the best of every moment and also be thankful for the privilege of getting to serve these wonderful people!

The Christmas Reunion Party at the Hospital

Fernando & Gabe

Geoff and Marquito

Me & Marquito

A wonderful traditional lunch

9 days and counting…. My next blog will be brought to you from El Progreso, Guatemala…. Unreal!!!   Preparing for Guatemala has been draining…. It has taken every fibre of our strength to get through these past few months.  Guatemala has seemed more far away than ever during this time.  Buried under our lives here and the mountains of paperwork and things that go into big time fundraising.  I guess I was not prepared… I kind of went into this blind.  Some of the time we have felt very alone in all of this and that is hard to take.

When you believe in something so strongly, its mentally draining to work so hard to try and make people understand…. but one simply must accept that not everyone see’s things the way you do.  I have seen… and it has changed my life… Some people who haven’t seen simply don’t understand.  I guess I see the world through different eyes because of my experiences over the past years.   Once you figure that out you can relax and not let disappointments rule you.   You learn to celebrate the triumphs and let the failures roll off your back in a sense.

Through all of this I have felt very overwhelmed… especially by the life change I am about to endure.  I am no saint… I am a normal person…. a woman with feelings, wants and desires like everyone else.  There are times I simply don’t want this life.  I see people with nice homes and cars and I almost mourn the loss of that stuff….  I’ve been struggling at times lately.  I find myself more ‘weepy’ than normal… a bit more on edge.  I was terrified.  To be honest more often than not I found myself thinking.. “how the heck did I get here?  Stop the ride, I wanna get off.”

Through all of this… I have talked with people… Friends both old and new….  Through these conversations I have been re-inspired.  While I’m not in Guatemala just yet, and they seem very far away…. I have experienced community like never before.  I have come to the realization that this is such a gift to us.  As strange as this sounds, its not just about Guatemala… It is about people.  People there AND people here.  I have learned so much through all of this.   We have a ministry… and so many people have thrown themselves into this beside us…. the people we serve in Guatemala will be well cared for…. But I have learned that WE will be cared for as well!!!  Its no longer us having a ministry… but being a part of a ministry and that includes us being ministered to.   It’s so hard to explain….

This past week we had both a fundraising dinner and a concert by NEWWORLDSON.  Planning the dinner was insane.  Details, paperwork, phone calls… epic amounts of planning.  Our friend Dave Tebbutt put the entire concert together so that was something thanks to him, we could just pretty much relax and attend.  One puts so much emphasis on the raising of money you become fixated on numbers.  Its a tough thing because Guatemala cannot happen without money.  But we have learned these past weeks that its NOT about the money.   It NEVER was about the money.  It’s about people.  Here and there!!!

There are people… key people… and you know who you are, and if you do not then I have failed at telling you how important you are to me and I am sorry…. but key people who have taught me over the past weeks and months how much I am loved and that is incredibly priceless… for that I will be forever grateful.  I love you… every one of you… and I have learned so much from you about what it means to be RADICAL in my faith and standing up for what I believe in even when it gets hard and overwhelming. I am not missing out on ‘stuff’… I am the lucky one… I have people who love me!

The minister of Calvary Church prayed over our family last night after the concert.  Something that was fairly new to us… complete with laying on of hands etc.  I cannot explain what an incredible moment that was for our entire family.  It was a pure gift from God and one of the most powerful moments in my life.  God was there in that room last night… and He, through everyone there last night renewed my strength at a time I needed it most.  I can go now… because it is what is right.  I have finally surrendered…. and there is a peace in that beyond measure.

Looking out over a crowd of people at the concert last night was an amazing experience for me and my entire family.   Looking into the faces of everyday people… some family… some friends… some strangers was so surreal.   The gentle smiles we saw spoke volumes to us.  These people, especially the ones we know were there because of love.  Love for us… love for what we stand for… love for each other and love for strangers thousands of miles away that need them.   Recently, it made me think of a quote I had put as my facebook status just a few days ago… “Stand up for what you believe in, even if you are standing alone.”….  The most beautiful privilege I get to have during this adventure is that I now know and understand that I never have to stand alone again… and that is worth more than anything.

Life is crazy sometimes…. especially my life, or so people tell me… there is so much chaos that surrounds me and my family so much of the time that I sometimes feel like I can’t breathe.  I turned 43 a couple days ago.  People ask me, “Do you feel older?”…. I do not feel older.  I feel like an 18 year old trapped in this body that is just beginning to feel the tell-tale aches and pains that come with aging.  But other than those aches… I feel great.   I do however feel as unstable as an 18 year old.   BIG, HUGE, MONUMENTAL changes in the Doppenberg household…..

We are slowly over the next 2 months phasing ourselves out of our roofing business…. the business that has treated us well over the past 15 years… the business that puts food on our table… the business that pays our mortgage… the business that supports us and our part of our youth/young adult & Guatemala ministry…. There are many reasons why Geoff & I have decided to make this decision…. the greatest reason is that we just have this overwhelming feeling that it is time.  Time for us to do more… time for us to help more…. time for us to serve more…. time for us to make a drastic change in our lives and having the company just takes too much time away from what we feel we are called to do…. We will make money to support our ministries but so much time will be free to spend on the things that are most important to us.

I am scared… out of my mind to be honest…. There is so much uncertainty.  I do not know what the future holds for us, but I am excited.  I know that there is a plan for our lives and the more we surrender and follow that plan the more things seem to fall into place.  Since making this decision so many things have happened that show us we are making the right decision.  I am not sure where life will take us now with it’s twists and turns but I am willing to hang on and enjoy the ride!

We have been invited to a special party in Guatemala… a party of all the rehabilitated children and their parents from the Nutrition Hospital.  A party that will show us what the result is when people care enough to send money, pray, serve and take an interest in a little hospital which is a tiny speck of need in the big picture of this planet.  Hermana Mercedes writes often and tells how much they are looking forward to us coming, spending time with them, especially Christmas.  I cannot describe how much we are looking forward to this and how much of a privilege we consider it to be able to serve these amazing Hermana’s and the sick children.  This is what it’s all about isn’t it?

For us there are no more dreams of big homes and fancy cars.  That part of our lives is behind us…. for us there are new dreams of equality…. No more can we eat a meal and feel nothing when throwing left overs away… We are mindful of every mouthful.  Every penny we spend has a purpose now.  Gone are the days of ignoring what we have seen…. we cannot ignore anymore.  We just finished our fall newsletter… it is ready to be mailed in the next week or so.  Inside is a budget.  A budget to run a better hospital in Guatemala.  One that uses the facility to its greatest potential.  One that strives to encourage people to consider giving…. If everyone lived on one less Starbucks a day that would enable a hospital that rehabilitates 200 malnourished kids a year to be well on the way to rehabilitating 1000.  In the pre-release of our newsletter, those that saw it grew quiet and their eyes grew wide when they saw our goal of raising just over $100,000.00 for the year 2011/2012.  Is that really a lot of money to completely run & renovate a hospital?   Money that would enable them to serve hundreds more children.  How many desperately ill children would $100,000.00 help in a Canadian or US hospital?  Not even one most likely…. Sad reality… but true.

I embrace the chaos that my life has become…. and I do it because I have built relationships with the people of Guatemala and that has made me realize things.  The very people I serve have become a huge part of my heart and soul.  They have become family.  I realized that I am no better than them…. we are all equal… and the fact that I was born in an area of the world with more than enough makes me want to even the score.  I can share… even when that means I get less so they can have more….my parents raised me that way.  Jesus tells me that is the way…. and I am going to follow that path head on!   When I look at the big brown eyes of the starving children in Guatemala, I cannot help but think of my own brown eyed boys and say to myself, “If this was my child, how far would I go to save them?….”

Billy & Celia

Baby Daryl

This little girl is now rehabilitated!