Grief…

Wow… what a week we have had here…. sometimes things here are so amazing… and sometimes they are so difficult.    There are times when I have trouble here… but not with being here…. I have trouble thinking of my life back home.  My comfortable home… my car…. my closet full of clothes… my tap that dispenses hot or cold water on demand… my knick knacks strewn about…. my computers, my tv’s, my furniture… etc etc… the list goes on and on…. weeks like this sure make me reflect on my life and my needs….

Sandra & Lindy are working at the hospital.  Playing games with the kids…. teaching them songs… circle time…. etc etc.  The rest of us, (My family & Matt, Erwin, Linda & Rachel Fast, Jessica & Rachel VanGeest and their cousin Nataschia Buys, Jaclyn Duffy & Kate Cresswell-Turner.. yup it’s a full house) are all spending tons of time at the hospital as well.  It’s so important that people spend time with these precious little ones.  Culture here is different and kids are a commodity… they are rarely held or played with… sometimes they are hardly interacted with at all.  They crave the attention… and we lavish them with it as much as we can.  We can see major differences in the kids already.  Some that were shy and withdrawn run up to us now… some that were downright terrified of human contact actually not only let us hold them and feed them, but actually laugh and giggle with us.  So much joy to see them getting better and accepting the love that us strange white people have to offer them….

The Thielmann family arrived this past week and took over from us building the home for the Ruano family of 12 that they fundraised back home for.  Their daughter Jazmin was here with us in late Dec/early Jan and was touched.  She went home and talked with her family and together they made a decision to take on a project of their own.  How incredible!!  We along with our friends, Trish, Gerry, Aileen & Angie began buying and gathering the materials…. demolishing the old cornstalk home and digging the foundation until they arrived.  Once they got here they took over and in one week the progress on the house is amazing.   Senor Chico & Hector (they build Marquito’s parents home a few weeks ago) are building this home for us, with the Thielmann’s helping until they return to Canada and then we take over again…   The Ruano family is pitching in as well.   I have to interject here that this family is one of the sweetest I have met in Guatemala.  Mama & Papa are always there helping, smiling and encouraging… and the kids…. oh the kids… Pulling the truck up to the site is one of my favorite moments.  The kids all come running with beaming smiles on their faces and ready with huge, warm hugs.   What a total joy this family is!!!

We are working extra fast because it is so important to get these people into a warm, dry place and out of their temporary shelter before the rains arrive.  All of Guatemala is preparing right now for the rainy season.  Its a bustle of activity everywhere… highways are being reinforced for mudslides… ditches are being dug everywhere to divert the torrents of water….. retaining walls are being built…. its quite something to see.

One of the things that our March Break visitors have been treated to that others have not is the scurrying that goes along with the onset of the rains.   Just about every day that we have been working at the Ruano home someone comes… they come carrying a note that they wrote… or they simply come and ask…. either way it all says the same thing… “Can you help my family?”   If you have never experienced this… you cannot understand.  They look at us missionaries, “Senor Geoff & Senora Rita” & the family as though we are some foreign dignitaries.  They always wear their best… and they come prepared… and they come with stories.  How do you feel back home when someone comes up to you on the street and begs for money?  Do you give?  Do you walk away?  Do you feel anything?   I can tell you that here, its like nothing you’ve ever experienced.   They want you to come and look at their situation…they want you to sit and just listen to their story….  and if you feel that God is calling you to help then that’s great… but if not, that’s ok too…. just please pray for them.   It is so incredibly difficult to hear and see such extreme poverty… you just want to scream at how unfair it all is….

This week, we have toured several homes and one village.  What a tough thing it is…. to hear peoples literally gut wrenching stories of poverty, illness, death and yet they keep their faith in God… and they are convinced that God brought us to Guatemala as ‘angels’ to help the people here.   I will give you one example… in the village we met a woman… she is a missionary.  She is so poor that she may only eat one tortilla a day that she puts a drop or 2 of water on and then some salt for flavour.  That’s it.  Now this woman lives with her daughter…. her 1st son died at age 13 by drowning in the river…. her 2nd son died also by drowning… and then her eldest son died by a rock falling on him from the mountain above…. and then her husband died of a heart attack.  Her and her daughter were left alone… and now they are missionaries… visiting the sick and elderly in surrounding villages… offering hope and encouragment… praying with them… sharing what little they have with others.   This woman asked us for help.  And we had to look into her eyes and tell her that we will…. but we cannot right now, because we have to raise more money.  It is so hard to look into those big dark eyes full of hope and ask her to wait… a woman who has lost so much already… Geoff had to walk away for a moment to compose himself…. these are the moments that tear your heart out of your chest and shred it.

Just a few moments later,  we met the lady next door… who’s 28yr old daughter was in the hospital with some unknown illness.  Since they had no money for extensive medical care she was sent to the ‘public’ hospital…. the free one…. the one with the lousy medical care.  She asked for help…. we had to say the same… “we will see what we can do”.   It hurts so much to have to make people wait… the situation is dire now… its quite honestly the hardest part of being here…. The heavy labour at times is nothing compared to looking someone in the eye who is in desperate need and telling them to wait….  The village visit was long and so many asked…. we became overwhelmed at the sheer poverty & need we saw.  All of the Canadians were eerily quiet as we toured home after home and heard story after story of things that I can quite frankly say would have broken my spirit.  We heard laughter and joy throughout the village though… they have hope.  It is truly quite incredible.   As we finally cut the tour off…. partly due to time and partly due to the fact that we honestly couldn’t take much more emotionally, we headed back to the truck to hand out some toys, clothes and water we had brought.   As we began to walk down the hill into the clearing toward the truck I looked back…. The sight was incredible… people… so many people…. coming out of the trees… coming over the hill… coming from all directions… hundreds… men, women, children, young, old, infants…. you name it.  It was like a scene from a movie.   When we got to the truck people lined up to receive whatever it was we were giving… when you are poor you don’t care what you get… anything is welcome.   Over an over we heard “Dios les bendiga”  (God Bless you)… it took time, a lot of time but once we were done everyone had received something, even if it was something as simple as a t-shirt or a bag of water.   I can honestly say it was one of our best, and yet most emotionally draining days here thus far.   We packed up…. received our gift from the village… a delicious bag of mango’s and left for the day.

The next morning Geoff, myself and the boys left for the city.  It was time to drop off & share a tearful goodbye to our friends, Trish, Aileen, Gerry & Angie at the airport.  Our trip was also to bring Jessica, Rachel and Nataschia to see Ray, Jessica’s son that is serving here with another organization.  He has been here for a few months like us and has a few more weeks to go.  As a mom it was my pleasure to take Jessica to see her son… how can you travel thousands of miles and not see him?   On the way to the airport, the phone rang.  It was Fernando.  He gently told Geoff he had some bad news…. the 28yr old girl that was in the hospital had died…. she left behind a husband and 2 babies… and a grieving mom, dad and 3 sisters…. Immediately my mind crashed on the fact that her mom asked us for help yesterday… and now we were too late… she couldn’t wait…. we had told her mom that we would see what we could do… and now we could do nothing.

But there was something we could do… as little as it was… it was all we were left with… everyone, including those that we were driving to the airport and the Thielmann’s pitched in and we paid for the funeral which was the following day.   In Guatemala, people are buried very quickly… bluntly put, there is no embalming and no refrigeration so……   We woke up early the next morning, loaded everyone into the truck and headed to the cemetery to make sure the crypt (a cement, above ground box) was built and ready. Then we visited Marquito’s home so Rachel & Jazmin could see it finished and the Fast family could deliver some gifts like a tortilla stone for Marco & Doris… We planned that visit for that time so we could strategically end up back on the main road at a certain spot at just the right time.   You see, in Guatemala the funeral procession leaves the church and goes to the cemetery, just like home… the only difference is they walk…. miles and miles…  and sometimes they carry the casket the entire way with 4 men… sometimes the casket rides in the back of a pickup…. either way, all the people walk.   Yesterday was sunny, dry and hot, just like pretty much every other day and walking here is tough.  So we made sure we were in the right place to catch the procession so we could hand out bags of water.   After everyone had water we joined the procession and went to the cemetery for the burial ceremony.   Everything was very similar to an internment in Canada with the exception of the fact that they mix cement & seal the crypt right there….. we quietly left knowing that we would see the family the next day… we wanted to pay our respects but be as non-intrusive as possible.

The next morning (today) we all got up at 5:30am…. and we were off to visit the family so we could bring a meal, some corn, some water and make arrangements to give them the only help we can now…. money to pay for the funeral.  As soon as we got there, only Geoff and I went in with Senor Chico at first.  We didn’t want to overwhelm the grieving family with 20 random Canadians.  As soon as the mama saw me she gave me a hug…. she clung to me and wept… a hug that only 2 moms can share…. one that needs no words…. just pure grief and pure love….  It was then that I finally cried… with her.   Once we were calm and had made arrangements with the family and explained how sorry we were that we were too late to help the way we wanted, we invited the rest of the Canada group in to pay their respects.   One by one we all shared hugs… and encouragement…  then the mom spoke…  she said that she understands why … and that she knows we were too late to help her daughter but that she knows that God sent angels… angels to help others live… and she would always pray for us to continue… and that seeing all of us and the work we do, makes her know that Jesus is alive and living through all of us.  I could not translate what she was saying until later because the tears were flowing for me yet again.   It was a truly hard but touching few days….

I just returned from paying the funeral home a few minutes ago… Geoff & I drove to Asuncion Mita to do this wretched task… Once it was done and we were on the way home we made a pit stop at the tienda (store)  to buy some supplies for the house… a friend here Ileana owns it, and when she saw me, she ran into the back and got something… she brought it out to me… it was a small, carved wooden cross on a string. The cross had an inscription of her brother “Fray Madeo”… Brother Matthew… He was a priest and a missionary here in Guatemala.   He died 1 year ago and she wanted me to have one of the crosses as a remembrance of him and of her.   Here the dead are remembered, respected and honoured.  It is an honour for me to wear this carved cross bearing his name… It was a symbol of respect and friendship between me & Ileana…. Perfect timing for me…. The timing actually brought tears to my eyes.  It made me more aware than ever that we are indeed building relationships and a life here.  The death of the young lady from the village bothered me, not only because it seemed like a waste of a young life,  and that we were too late to help, but it also bothered me because I am becoming protective of my “family” & friends here…. and I grieve with them… and I celebrate with them… and I love them…..

 

About ritadoppenberg

I am a wife, mom, missionary.... generally a human being who along with God, my family, friends and Commission to Every Nation (CTEN) Canada, seek to "Be The Change"...

Posted on March 16, 2012, in Guatemala Missionary, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Thank you Rita for this post…..It has really touched me deeply…I don’t know what to say…God Bless.

  2. Rita, thank-you for sharing a bit about what it is like over there. I get overwhelmed sometimes by the evil in the world but then I look at people like your family and realize that it is people like you who are shining your light, giving all you can, and I know it never seems like enough, but it is making an immpact. Thanks again, I will pray more faithfully for your ministry there and the people of Guatemela.

  3. Dear Rita,
    Thanks for sharing so purely and fully…it really is hard to truly understand everything you and Geoff experience in Guatamala, but your blog is so well done. We continue to pray for all of you and for your work, for the people who remain faithful to the Lord despite their desperate circumstances. Keep perservering in the work of the Lord!
    With love,
    Theresa and family

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